Thought this picture of the Haagen Dazs would be a hoot. It was on sale for 76 Yuan ($12.50) from 88 ($14.67) for a pint.

Well, I can happily say that I can now drive myself to and from work and a few other places without a back-wagon navigator. Par for the course, if I notice a sign or a leaf on a tree that I had not noticed before, suddenly the whole street looks completely different and I think I have gone the wrong way. I have to keep telling myself to relax…it’s the same street you have been riding on for a week.

My first week of classes was quite interesting. There are 25-33 kids in every class. I have a Chinese co-teacher in each class who is there to help with translation and keep order. The problem is…most of the kids know about 10 words of English and my co-teachers know about 20. So I was glad I made a PowerPoint presentation with the rules and some drama terms so the co-teachers could use a translation app on their phones to translate what I was saying. One of my co-teachers speaks no English and she does not even try to help out. The kids are rather boisterous and a bit naughty. I have seen two foreign, English speakers, but they are boys so to fit in they misbehave and pretend they don’t understand. The perils of being a kid who sticks out like a sore thumb, but just aches to be one of the fingers.

My room is a former dance room. It is 35ft x 20ft. The two walls that are 35ft are covered from floor to ceiling with mirrors and there is a built in dance bar on one side. The other side has low cabinets (about 18-in high with sliding doors) running the length of the wall. Sitting on top of these cabinets were sports equipment like helmets, body shields, knee and elbow pads. In the back of the room are crash pads that look like double-sized mattresses (I should take one home), and three standing kick/punching bags. This room must have been used for martial arts or some sports activity. All this adds up to an attractive nuisance. The kids were constantly making faces in the mirror, climbing on the dance bars, kicking the punching bags, or trying to put on the helmets. The two things in the room that I need are broken: the large projector TV (The first day I used another room) and a large white board. I finally rigged the white board so it wobbles but still stands. I lean it against the broken TV so I can write on it without it falling over. One of the legs is too short so I found an old ballet slipper that I fold and stick under the leg to steady the poor thing. So now at least I can write the words that I need my co-teacher to translate.

I have one class that shows up like a marauding mob of miscreants. They are led by a rather portly kid who towers over the others. They come unattended and for some reason I have no co-teacher for this class. They don’t speak English except for the portly leader who told me, “Speak to me in Chinese. No English!” This mob is loud, mostly boys, sweaty, smelly, and completely wild. They must be hot from all the running about and taunting the English speakers with demands for Chinese.

At one point, I got the pack to sit down and be quite, but then when I tried to give them a direction it was literally like playing whack-a-mole. Two thirds would stay seated and 1/3 would run and crash into the pads or kick the punching bags. When I would get them to sit down, another group would run. I later found out that the school puts all the bad kids into one class so it is like animal house. When they finally left, I was over the moon with joy. No one came to pick them up either; they just ran through the hall took a staircase and disappeared. I closed my door and put my head down on the desk. Only to pick it up to hop on my computer to find out why this class is unattended and WHY don’t I have a co-teacher for this unruly bunch? (The funny part is that I kind of like their spirit and admire their Chinese only demands.) The worst part is the schedule changed so I had them again later in the week…again without a co-teacher. If I see them coming next week, I am going to lock the door and shut off the lights.

Once my ears stopped ringing after the motley mob left, I decided to move all the sports equipment to the back of the room and use the crash pads as pet-gates to stop the little critters. I picked up some of the padding and to my disgust and horror out fell jock straps and plastic padded cod pieces…some of them sweat-stained…GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had some paper towels that I had stolen from the bathroom (paper towels are hard to come by). Unfortunately, I had to sacrifice a few squares of my paper plunder to the crotch gods. I picked up the funky straps and threw them in the back of the room. I tried to drag/roll the punching bags to the back, but they are so heavy and hard to move it was like struggling to put three drunken bears back into the closet. I tried to hide everything behind the crash pads, but every now and then some inquisitive kid discovers the hidden booty and the punching bags are so large I cannot hide them. UUHHHGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT I made it through my first week!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank god we had the following Monday off. All the Chinese families stay in and eat lots of food and moon cakes (nut filled pastries) and watch the full moon. They spend it with their families so it is kind of like their Thanksgiving.

Friday night the school hosted a dinner for all the teachers (100 International teachers and 800 Chinese teachers) and their families. It was fun. Afterwards, the hot, High School film teacher I met had a party at his house. He is from Canada, but originally from Afghanistan. He is a real smooth operator. His girlfriend is also from Canada and she is like a Francine doll (years ago in the 60s Francine was the first black Barbie Doll and one of the most valuable ones now – I had one and she was my favorite. Unfortunately my doll has a split face and is worthless except for parts. Francine was tall, slim, with a cute button nose and straight brown hair with bangs – sort of like his girlfriend.) They are a very cute couple. He is always schmoozing and she is like Martha Stewart – creating a lovely home and making dinner for him.

The after party turned into a frat party with a bunch of drunken teachers. Francine and the Hottie live on the second floor of my building, so I just had to go 6 floors up in the elevator at the end of the night to go home. The next day, Saturday, I was slated to go to Guangzhou early in the morning (8:45am) to buy stickers and things for my classes. Sunday morning at 8:30am I scheduled my first Mandarin lesson. Yikes the tones!!!!!! Lots of the teachers ended up staying at Francine and Hottie’s place because the buses stop running around midnight. Glad I got out before people asked to crash at my place. Especially since I would have had to wake them up to get rid of them when I left for Guangzhou. My place is stocked with coke zero and Starbucks bottles of mocha frappuchino that I do not want to share – they are hard to come by and expensive. I have made a few acquaintances, but not really connected with anyone. My sort of sidekick is the woman I helped to get an apartment in my building. She likes to drink and looks and sounds like a ginger Baby Jane with a South African accent.

Thank god for Skype, texting, and email. I never really feel lonely.

Guangzhou was fun, but it is a bummer having to be at the mercy of a bus schedule to get there and back. BUT the best part was the subway. I love a good ride underground and was thrilled to hop from line to line and surf the rails. No need for a seat or a strap – NYC trained me well. Even Guangzhou wasn’t that crowded. Where are the billions of people??? The last time I was in China it was winter and I was told that the cold weather kept people inside. If you read my earlier China posts, you may remember that I wrote about how there were no people visiting the Great Wall…pretty much had it to myself. I dunno!!!!! Or maybe mid-town Manhattan has made me immune to crowds.

My Mandarin lesson on Sunday morning ran from 8:30-9:30. My instructor is the woman who lets me charge my bike. We went over all the tones and alphabet sounds and I learned a few new words. It will be hard and I will definitely need more than an hour a week to learn this language. To get some of the sounds I have to move my head and eyes to match the visual of the sound in my head. I end up looking like a bug-eyed idiot. Guess I should practice speaking while driving my wagon and I really will be known as the village idiot.