Apartment Pictures – MTV Cribs

For those of you who have lived in China, this will be old news. For those of you who have not, this could be interesting, but for some of you…well, perhaps you will switch sites after reading my opening line. Here are my first experiences of moving to China:

After a few hours of sleep, I went down to the hotel lobby to meet the foreign affairs person of my school. There were a few other teachers meeting her as well. An older couple, Greg & Cindy, the man is a tall, soft spoken, wispy haired guy who teaches world history and his wife who is short, quietly demanding, with the face of an aging, crazy macaque. Her steely blue eyes lock on her target with such focus that I would fear the pummeling I would get if I got between her and her destiny. The other teacher Robert (middle school math), older, white-haired and with a low-hanging paunch, is a bit of a downer. I can tell he is just here to collect a salary and wants this to be his last two years of teaching. He often complains that he is tired of being in the classroom and missing out on coordinator jobs. Robert, Greg, and his wife Cindy have all taught in China before. In fact, Greg and Cindy are career teachers overseas having taught in at least many different countries and have 15-20 years’ experience. Robert taught in China before and was teaching in US public schools for 20 years. So needless to say I am the newbie of the bunch.
We started off with a trip to the school, which is a huge institution. It is still going through a lot of renovation and construction. School is in two weeks, but it looks like 2 months of work will somehow be completed by Sept. 1 when school is to begin. It is also a boarding school so the kids’ dorms also have to be spic and span…I guess. At the school, we went to the office to sign our contracts and turn in our flight receipts for reimbursement.
Next, we had to get our pictures taken for god knows what paperwork – I suppose the resident alien cards. Although I had a bunch of passport photos with me, they were not acceptable because they had to have a blue background and not a white one. So we went to a small mall to go to the photo stall to be photographed. There were lights and a camera, but no makeup for primping. Also, no smiling in the photo please. I thought the school picked up the tab, but we were quickly informed that we had to pay for them. I had no local currency so the school agent, Mary, paid for mine and told me to pay her back. It was 40 RMB (about $7 US). I was crazed to pay her back because I hate to owe someone money. Thank god the bank was next on the agenda…but before we got out, Robert wanted to get a phone. This took about an hour and then after he bought it he and Mary could not figure out how to set it to English. So although he had a local number, he could not read any of the prompts or messages. He looked like he was about to cry. (FYI later that night someone in the hotel where we are staying helped him switch his phone to English).Cindy was getting very agitated in the store because she did not want to wait while Robert purchased a phone. She kept looking at Greg saying that she had her consulting work to do and did not want to stay up all hours that night to complete it. She needed rest.

Then we were off to the bank where all hell broke loose. Cindy’s temper reared its dragon head. If I ever heard a rumor that Cindy enjoyed wearing wife beaters and whipping her husband Greg at night, I would just nod, roll my eyes, and say, “figures.” I knew going in that China’s banking regs were tough, but I did not realize just how rigid there really are. The school will only deposit our pay into one bank, the Agricultural Bank of China (“ABC”). ABC will change foreign currency into RMB, but it will not change RMB into foreign currency and they will not transfer any money out of China to a foreign bank. If teachers want to transfer money out, they can take out RMB exchange it into US dollars (for US people) and go to Western Union or perhaps a different bank to transfer it out of the country. Even if I get to another bank that will transfer the cash to a foreign bank, I can only transfer $500 in a day, or get a Chinese person to come with me who will sign to allow me to transfer a higher amount out. Basically, China makes it extreeeemely difficult to take money out of the country.

Now what made Donna’s head explode is that the banks in China do not allow joint accounts for married people and they would not give her husband 2 ATM cards so she could access his account. She had to open her own account and he has to deposit money into it so she can have access to cash. The other teacher, Robert, kept complaining about the banking regs. I did think it was odd that these guys were soooo upset because they all said they lived and worked in China before. I just wanted to open an account and exchange some of my US dollars into RMB since I had none. It was all quite comical in the end.

First, the banking attendant only put our last names on the paperwork so when we got up to the window to open the accounts we were sent back to square one to have our full names entered into the paperwork. Now all paperwork is in Chinese so we have no way of knowing what the hell it says. So then we go back to the computer entry lady and she inputs our full names. Then she comes back and distributes the paperwork. Unfortunately, she gave my paperwork to Robert and I had his. So when he went back to the account opening lady she compared it to his passport and rejected it. Then he had to find me and we switched paperwork. Another 20 minutes and he had his bank card. Then it was my turn. My paperwork was correct but because I had to exchange US dollars into RMB to put into my account and I wanted pocket change too…well let us just say that took a lot of explaining and confusion and waving of arms and paperwork. Finally they agreed to exchange the money and put some of it into my account and let me walk with some in my pocket. The only thing I can say…at least I did not have to go across town to get it stamped (For those of you on this list who have lived in Romania, you will get a chuckle out of that).

By this time it was around 3pm – we started the day at 10:30am. Mary had set up an appointment with a real estate agent at 4pm to look at apartments. All teachers are given 2000 RMB ($333 per month) to pay for an apartment. Cindy was pissed and told Greg there was no way that she could take the time to look at apartments. She had to go back to the hotel to work so he would have to find the place without her. When Mary asked Gregif he was willing to go over the school’s rental allotment, he said yes and then Cindy quickly cut him off to say, “No way are we going to pay more than the allotment. You better find a place within the 2000 RMB price.” Greg shook his head with a dutiful yes. Then we all took the bus back to the hotel to meet the real estate agent. When we got back to the hotel, we met more teachers who were also going to look. So in total there were 6 teachers competing for apartments at the same time. One of the teachers, Janet – a Chinese American – had been looking for over a week. We each get 5 nights in the hotel and then must pay for our stay until we are able to find an apartment so Janet had paid for 3 additional nights and was desperate to find somewhere clean and bright to live.

Needless to say six people traveling around like a pack of wild dogs competing for the choice bits of meat is insane. The anxiety level was so high it was freaking me out. I could not even look at places because you could just smell the desperation because everyone knew there were 60 more teachers to arrive and a limited number of nice apartments. There were plenty with squat toilets but our big foreign asses need seats thank you very much. Most of the apartments I saw the first day were not really nice and I did not want to jump at one my first day out.

The next day, I got in touch with a connector that another teacher had written to me about earlier in the year. The connector is not a real estate agent but the middle-man who collects a fee. Her name is Sue. I called her and she said she would set up some appointments for the afternoon. I opted to avoid the en masse search and go it alone – a risky move since I really did not know Sue or her connections, but anything beat the swarm of nervous bees searching for a new hive. I did invite one teacher, who will be my colleague in the drama department (well just he & I if you call that a department). Think Mickey Rourke in Pope of Greenwich Village if he had aged normally instead of boxing, over-dosing on roids, and getting botched plastic surgery. Everything is “girl” and “sweetheart.” He even wears a black fedora. As we are sitting in the restaurant shootin’ the shit, I get a call about an apartment that is supposed to be fabulous, but more than our budget. Mickey did not want to see it, but I did b/c it was an American who would take my US cash which would make my life easier than having to face another banking fiasco – it had not been 24 hrs since the last one. So I told Mickey that I was going to take a look and would be back by 1pm to meet with Sue. I texted Sue and told her to look for Mickey – the man in the black hat. If I was not back in time I told them both to go without me and I would catch up with them. I had met a taxi driver the afternoon before and figured I would call him for a ride. The cabs are private people with cars. I am back in Harlem with the gypsy cabs!

The apartment, which happens to be the one I am currently in, was nice but I think I was happy just to be able to speak English and ask my questions. That said, the whole thing was very rushed because the owners had a flight to the US to catch in 4 hours. So they were in the process of packing up and moving out as we signed the paperwork. The strangest thing is I saw the husband and their 8 yr old son naked in the shower. The realtor opened the door and there they were in their full frontal glory washing together. The dad was from Nigeria – what they say about the size of the African penis is definitely not true in his case.

Anyway, I took the apartment. When we went outside, the husband went to give me the key to the building door, but it did not work. Then he told the realtor to get the extra copy from his friend who lives in the same building. Then they all jumped in the cab and went to the airport. I was a bit shell-shocked by the whole thing. I had an apartment, but did I really want it??? Too late to question it. The owners and my US cash were on their way back to my motherland.

All evening I fretted about being ripped off and having the key to an apartment that I could not get into or the owner had already rented the place and I was their last American Hustle. The next day I met Paul, my real estate agent, who informed me the phone number of the friend did not work. We went to the building management company office to see if we could get the key to the building through them by showing my rental agreement, At first they said no because I did not have a special form that should have been executed by the owners authorizing me to have a key and a residence card for the complex. Paul kept at the woman who kept going back to her boss with my passport and rental contract. Finally from behind his closed office door he must have felt a bit of compassion for me and decided that I could have a key but no residence card. Hey whatever….I had a key to the building.

I still had three more nights in the hotel so I slowly moved stuff over to the apartment. On Monday morning, I said farewell to the hotel internet, checked out and moved in for good. That same morning, I had to have my Chinese physical – the one I had in the US was just for fun I suppose. I was given a chest x-ray, but it was taken while I had my clothes and bra on – no lead apron to protect the ovaries (too many people I suppose). Then off to get blood and urine samples, a cardio and blood pressure test. The nurse went through my vein and the blood pooled under the skin. I applied pressure but the blood started running down my arm and left spots in the hall. Some people were freaking out at the sight of my blood. I felt bad it was on the floor, but none of the med staff seemed concerned or cared about cleaning it up. Welcome to Chinese healthcare. For the urine sample, they gave us a plastic test tube and we had to use a squat toilet to fill it. I took a cup from the water fountain because there was no way I was going to be able to aim my pee into the tiny test tube opening. After the physical, the school took my passport for my Alien resident visa at the police station. It will be with the police for 15 days so I am on lockdown in the complex.

After the physical, I went to the bank to open my e-banking account so I can pay my water bill online and order things with my new Chinese bank account. Unfortunately, I needed to show my original passport and not a copy. BUT I was just at the bank on Thurs. to open my account. I have an ATM card, a copy of my passport and my school ID. You have my passport on file because they made a copy of the original. I had to call the foreign affairs office (“FAO”) of my school to have them talk to the man at the bank. The end result was no e-banking account until I get my passport back. Rats!!!!! I wanted to avoid going an hour bus ride to IKEA to get a mattress topper and order it online. RATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That afternoon, I moved in and met Paul. I had him arrange for someone to clean my apartment and change the locks. If a “friend” had a key to the outside door, I assumed they also had a key to the apartment. I also had copies of the outside door key made so if anyone comes to stay they will have a set of keys. So all are welcome!!!!!!

The cleaning lady took one look at my dirty apartment and said she needed backup. So she called a friend. They both agreed to clean the place for a total of 250 Yuan ($61.67 (or approx. $31 per head). I had them beach and clean everything. I even moved the furniture and the refrigerator so I could clean behind and under. I had the screens and windows washed. I cleaned the refrigerator myself while they were busy doing the bedrooms. I am very particular about my kitchen so I knew I wanted to clean the refrigerator. They removed the covers on the cushions on the couch and put them in the washing machine. Although the couch is worn – at least I know it is clean. She is kind of a hoot so I agreed to let her come back each week. I will pay her 300 Yuan ($50) for the month and she will come 4 times. Everyone keeps telling me that I am paying too much but I don’t care. I am overpaying for my apartment too. I’ll never die a rich woman and I have made my peace with that.

Today, I was supposed to meet with the principal at 3:30 to go over curriculum stuff for drama. She was 90 minutes late because she was waiting for an Ikea delivery. She showed up and met with the 3pm person, while I sat in another room waiting for my time. But one of the FAO people named Jenny came up to me and said the internet technician called. If you go to your apartment now, he will connect the wires. He has another appointment at 5 so you had better hurry. It was 4:12pm so I grabbed my stuff, ran to the principal’s door and explained that I had to go meet the internet technician. She nodded and said we would talk later. Since I live near her, we could walk and talk by the river. So off I went. Jenny offered me a ride with another landlord that she was taking to sign a rental contract with another teacher. They dropped me off about 3 blocks from my place. I ran up the street and into my lobby.

As I entered the building there was a tall white guy who asked me if I was a teacher. I said yes. He thought I was there to see his apartment. I said no I was waiting for the internet guy. Then the white guy’s wife came in, she is Chinese. She asked if I knew anyone looking for an apartment. She and her husband were going back to Boston at the end of the week and hoping to rent their place. I did know a few people who were still looking and said I would help them. She came to my apartment when the internet guy showed up and said she would translate for me. Too bad I didn’t rent from her! Anyway she was willing to accept the school rental allowance. Her place was smaller than mine, but I would have been within budget. BUT I have made my peace with my place. So I did the next best thing picked someone I had spoken to and kind of liked to give the apartment to. I picked a single woman who was in her 50s and figured perhaps I would have someone to talk to in the evenings.

I was able to track down the teacher and she rented the apartment. It was a deal because she did not have to pay the agent fee because I had found the place. My fee – I told her to buy me a few drinks. She agreed and that was that. My neighbor was happy because I found her a tenant within 5 hours of meeting me. She and her husband are making up the agreement based on my contract, which by the way is in Chinese. She read it and told me what it says – pretty straight forward. I just hope my kindness will be rewarded if karma truly exists. I actually feel good that I was able to help another teacher out. I was given a box of egg cookies by the owner I helped out (the look like crepes).

It is now about 11pm and I have to get up in the morning for my 1st day of orientation. Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!