My Western name is Chris, but my Chinese name is Liling.  Every Chinese person has their real Chinese name and a Western Name.  I remember in high school this Chinese guy who liked me told me his real Chinese name and that I could call him by it if I wanted.  Of course I did because it made me think I had one up on everyone else.  Here my Chinese name is Tiny Tim (or that’s what Veta calls me). 

Many of you know that I broke my left ankle a while ago riding my Segway and had to have a plate installed to piece it together.  The plate limits my ability to drop it like it’s hot on the dance floor unless I am wearing heels.  Well these Chinese toilets create quite a dilemma for me because I have to take my pants off to pee because I can only squat on my right and either stick my left leg straight out in front of straight out to the side.  So I have to wait for the bathroom to clear so I can spread out.  I am waiting for the secret police to kick open my stall in the name of Mao and arrest the Western pervert for pulling a Senator Larry Craig with my suggestive wide stance.  I guess I should buy a pair of stilettos to put on in the toilet so I can squat like a pro. I am so happy when I can find a Western toilet.  Unfortunately, they are often closed and locked by the bathroom attendant who claims it is broken.  I am always suspicious they’re just trying to pull a fast one.  But it’s probably true because every stall has a trash can in it for the used toilet paper, which makes for quite an unpleasant surprise when you enter to see traces of what came out of the person before you in the can.  But now I digress into unnecessary detail.  Anyway, all this blathering to say perhaps the toilets are clogged with paper. 

I recently discovered the bathrooms for the disabled have Western toilets so I use them when they are available, which is why Veta calls me Tiny Tim.  Most of the bathroom attendants use them as their personal closet so I see all sorts of personal items like bras, extra pairs of pants, and their lunch bag hanging from the coat hook.  They are not very pleased to see their closet disturbed by a fatass Westerner, especially when she doesn’t have crutches or a visible limp. 

What is really crazy is when the bathroom attendants gather with their friends when they are taking a break and squat on the bathroom floor around a bag of pumpkin seeds for a chat.  They just chatter, laugh and spit the shells to the side.  Guess it’s a throwback to the days of the happy rooms in the old neighborhood.  Needless to say, I feel bad having to maneuver around them to use the sink, but a gal’s got to keep her paws clean.

Now that I’ve purged that from my system, let me move on to Xian.     

Similar to Beijing, Xian is transitioning into the world’s next “it” spot.  The city is in the process of building a new and BIGGER terminal to its airport so international flights can fly directly to Xian.  They want to attract more international business to their city.  They too have huge cranes on every corner churning, flapping, turning, and rebuilding the city into a bright and shiny extra tall steel jungle. 

Our guide’s name is Chris and she is very friendly and a great salesperson.  Every shop we go to she suggests things to buy.  I know she gets a commission from the shopkeepers because I saw her get a few folded Yuan bills on the sly after Veta and I were at the cash register paying from some more souvenirs. I did not tell Veta or it would have been the start of WWIII because no one rips off La Veta.  I figure my lunch & dinner at the local eateries is included to enhance my Chinese experience so I am due for a little screw.  Isn’t that the rule: Gotta put out if they buy you dinner????

Xian was at the top of my list for places to visit because I wanted to see the Terracotta Warriors, but Xian offers so much more.  We arrived at night and the ancient city wall that divides the old and new city is adorned with large glowing red lanterns and strings of tiny white lights that accentuate the red and black pagoda-shaped towers.   To the weary traveler, this dramatic view announces you have arrived in a special place and indeed Xian is.

By day the wall provides spectacular views of the city below.  On one side you see ambitious, modern high rises stretching to reach China’s boundless future and on the other side you see China’s recent past consisting of buildings with architecture that pays homage to the traditional pagoda, but their heights (limited by law) hint at what is yet to come.  The ancient wall was built during the 13^th century.  On the day we visited, the local government officials were participating in a 10K run.  So there were lots of middle-aged men hacking and spewing phlegm between puffs of cigarettes celebrating the completion of the race.  Down below we could see about 20 women, retirees, who had gathered for their daily group dance.  The Chinese believe in group exercise as social events so in the mornings there are groups of retired people doing Tai Chi in parks or dancing and at night there are groups of all ages engaging in line dancing after dinner.

After the ancient wall, we drove about 1.5 hours outside the city to see the Terracotta Warriors.  During 210BC, an entire army of 7000 life-sized clay figures of soldiers, generals, and horses were buried in the tomb of Emperor Qin to serve him in the afterlife.  Each warrior, modeled after the actual army, has a unique and distinctive face.  No two are alike.  They were discovered by a farmer who was trying to dig a well in 1974.  He brought it to the attention of the local government and the excavation and the painstaking repair of each warrior began.  The farmer now sits at the museum signing copies of books the museum sells explaining the history of the warriors.  Standing above the pits where they were discovered and viewing the army and the exquisite detail of each piece, I was awestruck.  The level of skill and the workmanship is humbling.  Not all of the warriors have been excavated, there are 5000 still underground.  When they were first unearthed, each one was painted, but over time the paint faded due to exposure.  There are plans to open more pits, but the archeologists are trying to figure out new techniques to better preserve the paint.

Afterwards we drove back to the city center a viewed the Big Wild Goose Pagoda.   It’s a major Buddhist site built during the 7^th century.  There are lots of Buddha statues.  My favorite is the happy Buddha with the jovial smiling face and the big round belly.  And if I keep eating here the way I am, that is what I will look like, but I won’t be so happy.  My favorite dish is the spicy cabbage and the hot pot (a small cauldron of boiling, spicy broth into which I toss all sorts of meats and veggies.

We finished off the evening with a little dinner theatre.  The show was a pageant of colors, costume, song, and dance.  It was a truly fun evening even though it was a bit cheesy. 

I have decided to give up the western breakfast and am now eating local in the morning.  I tried some type of rice porridge and soups with noodles and other surprises.  I even ventured to try the salmon heads and some spicy eel.  I don’t think I will continue this diet when I return, but for now it’s good.  Bring on the sheep’s balls!

My big thrill was going to see a shadow puppet play.  The story was about a monkey god who defeats a monster who keeps changing identities.  They are colorful, transparent stick puppets that are moved around behind a screen and a light illuminates the action.  Traditional Chinese music and percussion underscores the actions.      

One funny observation: the young men here are quite fancy.  If they aren’t sporting a Justin Bieber look, then they are sporting a high-haired Joey Heatherton look.  They seem to work harder on their hair than the women.  It looks like they have a fascination for blow drying with a round brush and hairspraying to keep their do in place.  I’ve even seen a few curly high wedges strutting the streets.  For women, the hair colors of choice are either burgundy or red panda orange.  

Ada, my guide from Beijing pasted thin white strips on her eyelids to make them seem like she had a thicker lid.  By the end of the day the ends were curling up.  She told us her friends want to buy contacts that are larger than the size of their iris so that they will appear to have larger round eyes.  Perhaps the Chinese women should start smoking crystal meth.  Not only would they have big round eyes, but they’d have more energy to work even harder to buy more things in all the extra large malls.

I found out from Chris (Xian guide) that the average salary for a tour guide is 1000 Yuan per month, which works out to about $160 per month.  I don’t know who is holding all the money in this country or how the average person is able to save anything.  If you look closely at the construction sites, you can see that the workers have little makeshift homes there because they can’t afford to transport themselves from their homes to work on a daily basis. The prices are higher here than in the US and they make pretty much everything that the US sells.  It’s crazy.  I don’t understand why people aren’t out raising bloody hell and revolting.  Perhaps it’s all the toxins clouding their judgment. 

On a brighter note, tomorrow I am off the Chengdu to hug a panda.