Well, I am now in Kota Kinabalu, which is the capital of Sabah state in East Malaysia. Singapore was very odd, perhaps even disturbing. It’s nothing but one big shopping mall. The first floor is the Designer Level (Gucci, Prada, Starbucks, etc.) and the other three are the bargain levels (Little India (curry not red), Little China and Little Saudi Arabia). Every inch of the place is taken up by someone trying to sell something. I got tricked into going to Sentosa Island. The trip was recommended by one of the front desk clerks at my hotel. That place was Beach Blanket Disney Land. Freaky Friday…there was even a dancing musical fountain with a tacky light show. I think I would have enjoyed it if I had a tab of Snoopy on my tongue. I did go to the famous Raffels Hotel for a singapore sling and spent my left kidney on dinner (my entre consisted of a delicious rack of suckling pig). Next stop, Kota Kinabalu…pretty basic town, but again a lot of crappy dollar stores at every turn. I left KK and flew to Sandakan for a jungle adventure. I arrived at the airport and joined the happy group of tourists…little did we know what was waiting for us. As soon as our van left the airport, the sky darkened and it started pouring rain. The roads to Sukau (the area we were going) were not paved and the route we were supposed to take was flooded so we had to take another. The ride was sooooo bumpy (no seatbelts) that I practically flew into the aisle. Our first stop was a tour of the Gomantong Bird Nest Cave. I don’t know why this place is on anyone’s list of things to see…it was like entering hell. The cave reeked of ammonia due to all of the bird shit and saliva that glues the nest together. In this cave, men climb rope ladders to collect the nests. The Chinese soak them in hot water to extract the bird saliva to make soup. Really funny…there are a group of men who guard the cave from marauding strangers. Anyway, the little rickety walkway was covered in bird shit and the railings were covered with huge roaches. There were gigantic spiders with fangs and long-legged poisonous centipedes on the walls. We were told that if we looked up to keep our mouths closed because bird shit would fall in. Needless to say, I never looked up. There was a lonley ray of sunlight from the upper corner of the cave. I kept thinking that if I had been a good Catholic I wouldn’t be in this rotting hell. The walkway sloped downward and became so slippery that I could feel myself falling in slow motion. I couldn’t grab the railing for all the roaches. So, I fell on my ass, jumped up as quickly as I could and ran out of the cave. The back of me was covered in filth. After that little adventure, we went to the lodge, Old Ben’s River Lodge. This place was almost as bad as the cave. The lights kept going out and the water would stop at certain times. Although, I showered at every chance, I still felt gross because I kept spraying myself with insect repellant. The fumes nearly choked me. We took river cruises and saw lots of wild monkeys, orang utans, and even a herd of elephants. Oh yeah, I met some hilarious people at the lodge. A British mother and son team and a drunk from Atlanta with a black-eye. One night we bought a couple bottles of the local moonshine and got drunk as skunks and laughed into the weee hours. I also met two guys from Scotland. I guess Old Ben’s Lodge wasn’t so bad after all. Oh, the Scottish guys are staying in my hotel in KK and we’re going out tonight for dinner and beers. Now back to the jungle turf. Everyone was soooo excited thinking that we would get close to the animals. No one ever thought about the dangers. The ground was so muddy that my shoes sank lower and lower and were almost pulled off at every step. We ran into a cobra and had to stop and be quiet until he slithered away. Unfortunately, every time we stopped, we were attacked by leeches. At one point, they had crawled into my pants and t-shirt. One even tried to crawl into my eye. Finally, I started screaming for the guide to get me the FUCK out of there…I’m no jungle jane. When we got to the river’s edge, I ripped off all of my clothes. I was covered in leeches and screaming bloody murder. They were everywhere, biting me and fattening up with my blood. The guide had to help pull them off me. The drunk from Atlanta was also screaming because they had gotten between her toes and under her bra. The guide rinsed our clothes in the dirty river to get rid of the rest of the leeches. My hiking boots were covered in mud. I crawled into the boat like a wounded bleeding animal, howling and cringing with pain. I had to ride back to the lodge in my bra and panties. When I got to my room the lights weren’t working, but thank god the water was. I showered and scrubbed until my skin was raw (ala Meryl Streep in Silkwood). My skin was burning from the insect repellant I lathered myself in. I threw my filthy clothes and boots in the trash. What was I thinking???????? The next day, however, was great. We left the lodge for good and bumped and thumped our way to Sepilok to see the orang utans at the sanctuary, which was fantastic!!!! Some of them even came near us. One snatched my camera, but the ranger took it back from him. That was a lot of fun. I’m glad my trip ended with the playful orang utans to erase the memories of hell. Now I am back in Kota Kinabalu. It took some fancy footwork, but I managed to get a flight to Bangkok tomorrow. I’ll write again soon.I hope I’m in Vietnam when Clinton is there so we can meet for a late supper and drinks. I don’t think I’m going to have time to make it to Cambodia, but I’ll try… Cheers, Vicki P.S. I did send in my ballot before I left DC. Too bad I’m not registered in Fla. Sorry it took me so long to v-mail, but Old Ben’s Lodge didn’t even have a phone line.